Osijek to Ilok

With all the beaches and boat parties one hears about, you’d be forgiven for forgetting that Croatia is still a relatively poor country with an economy that is something like 80% made up of tourism, which is concentrated along the coasts. In the northeast, where the EuroVelo 6 runs, the towns were decimated by the civil wars 28 years ago and many of them look as if the bombs went off this week. 

After a great big descent into Ilok, there is a nice pension hidden in plain site up there on your left. I only found it because I stopped to take a look at my map when a man from two stories up in a voice that sounded at once German and Eastern European said, “D’yew need a rhooom?” 

“Yes, for how much,” I shouted back while straddling my bike.  

“Vierzehn euro.”

“I’ll think about it.” 

A quick perusal of the Booking app returned nottamuch so being the great negotiator that I am, I called back up to the window and without offering a lower price said, “I’ll take it.” 

Feeling peckish after the day’s ride and with no good-looking restaurant’s in town, I hiked back up the hill to a grocery store. On the way I found a bike touring couple in search of a cash machine. They seemed either high, uninterested in talking, or perhaps both so I moved on. 

Tonight’s dinner consisted of a block of sheep cheese, tomatoes, a bell pepper, a loaf of bread, two cheap Croatian beers, and a roll of mentos. 

The evidence

The ride from Osijek to Ilok was tough. It consisted of 8% inclines, hot unshaded hell roads, and plenty of missed turns. 

One such missed turn spit me out onto a freeway like a truck driver would a sunflower seed hull. I stopped to see whether the freeway took me in the right direction and according to the map, it did. So I soldiered on quite pleased with myself. 

About an hour into the freeway ride the shoulder disappeared and the lanes narrowed. Semi-trucks whirred within six inches of my cheekbone, each sending a gust of wind that did its best to throw me off the road. Still, I soldiered on. Then I noticed a small roadside memorial. A cycling tourist who must have taken the same wrong turn I did was struck by a four-wheeled (or maybe 16) death machine. The memorial included a photo of the young man with his fully-loaded touring bike. My stomach lurched and I felt nauseous. I pulled off the road to reassess my route as soon as I could. 

I found a detour and thereby managed to avoid becoming the subject of a roadside memorial too. It added 10km to my ride but I did not give a good god damn so long as it avoided the freeway.

A sigh of relief once I’d reached safety

The roads in Eastern Europe are dangerous for cyclists despite what my maps say. “Quiet country roads” don’t kill cyclists but semi-trucks sure do. 

Today’s Miscellany

Baja to Osijek, Croatia

Osijek, Croatia

Today I faced a choice: Serbia or Croatia. The Serbian route is shorter but I’d heard tales of mean wild dogs. Croatia is rumored to be prettier along this stretch but according to my map, it has landmines—a forceful reminder of the civil wars. 

I said goodbye to Hungary in the only way that seemed appropriate: a final sweetbread and coffee breakfast while I considered my options. 

Then I was off on a wonderful ride giddy as my wheels purred along well-paved roads past sunflowers galore while my imagination went in every direction. 

I rode up to the route’s decision point. Straight on to Serbia, or right on to the ferry to Croatia.

Left: Serbia — Right: Croatia

I chose Croatia and I’m glad that I did. The country’s north-east is a world apart from the white sand beaches that “Croatia” evokes for your average study abroad kid, or your rich spring breaker, or, for that matter, your middle-class spring breaker who had extra loan money left over and chose to buy a ticket to Yacht Week. If that’s what a student debt crisis looks like then sign me up. 25 years of peonage is a small price to pay in return for two days on a drug and alcohol-fueled floating funhouse. But I digress…

After a quick ferry crossing, I explored the route’s last Hungarian town, a place called Mohacs that boasts a nice market, a pretty church, and some Silver-Surferesque statues. Lunch was had at the Spar in town: an apple and some hummus. 

Said pretty church

From Mohacs to the border crossing it’s mostly canals, small country roads, and a bit of hell road riding too. Today’s route unfurled through mostly poor towns with crumbling war-ravaged buildings pocked-marked from shells and shrapnel. 

I came to my first hard border before I crossed into Croatia. I rode up past the semi-trucks to the border control window and took out my passport to get it stamped. The agent looked up over his glasses and asked in a thick accent, “Vayeryewh going?”

“Black Sea,” I responded in the weird half-accent I’ve thoughtlessly started using. I’ve somehow concluded the half-accent makes it easier for non-native English speakers to understand me.

Without looking up from the passport as he flipped through its pages, “And vayerdeedyewh come from?” But before I could respond, with his gaze ascending and his eyes widening, he exclaimed, “Dublin? On bicycle!? On THAT bicycle?!”

I laughed, agreed, and with my best Steve Martin impression said, “Yes, I’m a wild and crazy guy,” which is not a good thing to say at a border crossing. After a quizzical look, the officer stamped my passport and wished me good luck.

Crossing into Croatia

It was easy-riding from the border on through town after town to Osijek, which has a great river walk. I stayed at the Hostel Street Bed & Bike for 20eur. After unloading my things and washing off the day’s ride, I fired up the Happy Cow app and found a restaurant called Vege Legge, which I got to just before closing time. I recommend it for the hungry cyclist who wants big portions of veg food at reasonable prices. 

Osijek is Croatia’s fourth-largest city at just over 100,000 residents so I explored it on foot after dinner. I took the river walk on my way to a wine bar called Vinska Musica where I enjoyed a local glass of Cabernet Sauvignon by Vina Belje, a Croatian vintner. 

Not quite ready to call it a night, I walked mapless back to the hostel to see what I’d find. Lucky me, I stumbled into Gajba, a small craft beer place on a pedestrian strip. I ordered a Beckers Pale Ale upon the bartender’s recommendation after I’d asked for “a good local beer, please.” The verdict? Absolutely delicious— a perfect balance of fruitiness and bitterness.

I asked for the large because at this point, as has no doubt already become clear, this trip transformed me into a spendthrift, sugar-addicted, alcoholic. So much for the health benefits of cycling a few thousand miles. 

Which brings me to final point of this already long entry: insofar as there can be one best thing, this trip is it…it’s been an immersive history and geography lesson filled with unforgettable trips with Abby, I’ve learned to better embrace solitude, it’s given me frequent chances to solve problems, I’ve learned how to camp and to tour, I’ve met strange people and made friends, I get to exercise all day every day, and I have the privilege to explore small towns that I will probably never see again…It is hard to believe it’s only been a month and a half. It feels like I’ve lived a few different lives over these six weeks.

The Day’s Miscellany

A very tall church in Osijek.
A much shorter one outside the city
The one, the only, The Pullup Challenge.